I think I'll stop at this post regarding love as most good things end in three: three hot dogs, three drinks, three mice (whom may even be blind), and three wives.
A few definitions first, generally psychologically ascribed:
Intimacy: Intimacy is a intellectual and connective bond. This can be a man finding friendship with a man, a woman, his dog, his childhood tree fort, or lucky sock. Intimacy is the connective force that draws, generally, people together to share themselves
Passion: Passion is usually sex or physical love but shares a connection with the physical sensation.
Keep these two distinguished terms separate as when I mean intimate relationship I don't necessarily mean sexual relationship.
I suppose my entire point of discussing love and my views is to convey a sense of the end of suffering and a push for all that is the opposite of suffering. Love is one of the strongest emotions that humans can express and feel yet coupled with this strong emotion is loss or the sense of loss, jealousy. In our western Christian society love is meant for one person and one person alone and it is forbidden to share love with any other as this is adultery. Bullocks I say!
I've personally found that the expression of love and interest creates suffering and harm even in an innocent fashion. As an example, lets suppose a husband and a wife exist (no way!). The husband meets an amazing woman at work and they begin to talk and discover they have a really close bond but truly nothing happens. The wife will assume that the husband is having sex with this new woman even when the husband discusses to the contrary. So what we have here is the suffering of the woman's jealousy and distrust. Also the suffering of the husband for being denied to see or be close with this other woman. Lastly is the suffering of the woman whom is essentially chastised if not actually than metaphysically for being friends with the wife's husband.
From the perspective of the wife: "I can't believe that tramp is trying to get with my husband. What does my husband see in her? Am I not good enough for him? I bet their sleeping together." So from this perspective there is all kinds of suffering. The wife experiences anxiety, jealousy, clinging (remember that?), and self-inadequacy. Why does the wife need to put herself through all this. After all, her husband has told her that nothing is going on. Obviously she does not trust her husband and is wrought with grief from her own self-inadequacies. Marriage is a union of peoples with mutual trust and love so naturally the husbands words should be enough to soothe the wife. Anything else means that trust is absolutely not part of the union. Perhaps the trust issue isn't with the wife's husband but with this tramp, this hussy, this slut of a woman trying to tempt her husband. Why does this trust issue occur? In this hypothetical situation lets assume that truly and honestly the woman seeks only friendship from the husband and has made no moves whatsoever. The wife in this case has absolutely no reason to not trust the woman yet she does. Suffering is created in the head of the wife and is not necessary.
From the perspective of the husband: "I love my wife and I found a woman who shares my intellectual (yeah right, an intellectual man... now I'm pushing it) thoughts and shares a loving bond with me. There is no passionate interest between me and the woman and I tell my wife this, why must she mistrust me so?" Suffering is created by the husband based on his wives issue with trust. The husband may even assume that he truly is doing something wrong and that his new found love of a friend is somehow wrong. Thus the husband may retract his friendship or be wary to seek friendship with other females. The man will deny part of himself in the process to satiate his wife. This part of himself will fester away with the suffering.
From the perspective of the woman: "I really like this man; hell I love this man. I am glad him and I can be close friends without sexual desires getting in the way. It is nice to share intimate feelings and be close with our interests." The suffering for the woman is mostly internal. She knows the wife does not trust her and this causes internal strife and worry that conversations with the husband are causing problems. Further suffering is created when the husband tells her that his wife makes comments about their friendly and loving relationship.
This scenario is one of many but I feel exemplifies my whole ideal of free love the best. A man or a woman has the absolute universal right to seek the least amount of suffering. This obviously only works with honorable and truthful individuals as honesty itself is a path of least suffering. I may blog about that subject in the future. If the husband tells his wife that nothing is going on and that they share a bond than the wife needs to be understanding and comfortable with her husbands intimate friendship with another woman. Of course, in my personal beliefs, the same can go for passionate relations too as long as both couples are honest and sincere about what is going on.
To many, I think, this all may seem like an elaborate way to sleep around but truth be told its all about seeking love and passion while we live on this planet. Love is all around us and I firmly believe that we should all seek it out! Love one person for your life? That is the most tragic thing I can think of and I do mean this most sincerely. I seek intimacy from men and women and passion when I feel intimately connected enough with a woman.
In our western culture I feel that the intimacy and passion has taken a sinister turn to the point that innocent intimacy has turned into an atrocity.
Please don't go out and sleep around on your spouse. That is not the message I am conveying. You made an oath to your spouse to be faithful to only them so keep it! Integrity and honor is part of the pursuit of harmony and lack of suffering, too. The message is this: please find your path of happiness and your reduction of suffering. Work out the root of the reason that causes jealousy, trust issues, self-inadequacies, etc. Work out these problems and flourish in love! Find your path to harmony and share love with the world.
